im tearing like a fcking retard infront of this comp.
nothing much.

just that when i checked my mailbox, i got a total shock.
my sister actually sent me a mail.
initially, i thought of it to be some crappy mail asking me to buy this&that for her.
yes paid by me -_-
did i mention she sent me a friendster message.
just to tell me not to charge her for the meg cabot i bought which she asked me to buy?
and cos she said your sister has no income.
:/ now i fear friendster messages from her. HA!

but, it ended up being a reflection call.
I'll show you some parts of the email, but i won't show all.

Right, you must be wondering about the purpose of this email. Nothing. It's just to wake you up. Don't have time to lecture you when you are at home since you are always so erm 'tired' or else your eyes are glued to some pathetic screen.

Actually I always don't have the heart to lecture you. It's just that I speak in such a manner. I don't know how to teach you in a nice manner as you are rather close to me (nono, stop thinking haywire, meaning you are family, please, I can imagine how you will go ... Ah jiejie and blink your eyes non stop as if going into a fit). I am able to teach outsiders in a nicer way, but still, I am straightforward. I can't teach my sister in any nice way, because I feel that you understand me so well, you understand the manner I talk in, you understand what kinda a person am I. Hence I presumed you'd have accepted my way of speaking.

But it seems that you lil girls are kinda scared of my scoldings. And I have learnt from the adults that my words make a very huge impact on you guys. No idea why it makes such a huge impact. But from what I noticed, my words and actions definitely make a huge impact on anyone, be it in school, workplace, or home. Maybe I'm just a superstar. Who knows.

I know you hate the way I scold you. But seriously, I mean no harm.

Okay, also, I'm not one who'd say lovey dovey stuff and be oh-so-sweet to sisters/friends/boyfriends(right, that's Edison Chen). So cease expecting anything sweet from me. I'm just the way I am. If you can't accept it, just endure till you are 21, then you can jolly well 'bai' Xiaxue/ZoeTay/FannWong as your Big sister.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So here it goes,

(take a box of tissue and put it beside you, before you start wailing like a demented balmy bitch and mum would think you are crazy (oh and i don't want mum to know about this email). Okay, not as though we've gotten boxes of tissue at home. But at least go get something. =P)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First issue: Spenditure

Though my bloody big mouth might be shut, my bloody big eyes are still open.
I've noticed your increasing spenditure, and seriously, it's friggin' scary. I admit I used to be like that. But I've learnt from it. I admit I purchase things that are even more branded than you. But I've learnt from it. Thus I don't want you to regret like me. (No, not as though I am regretting big time about all my branded stuff now, I'm still loving them) But the point is, I regret being a spendthrift.

First it was those shoes, then the clothes, then came the Mp3/4/5/6 (whocareswhatnumberitis). I'm not saying it is wrong to buy those shoes/clothes/technology. But I hope you are buying it in the right sense. The sense being, you need these clothes for future schooling purposes.

&
And also, I am very aware that you feel you have been working really hard. You hadn't had a rest since you start working, and you have been handling 3 fucking jobs, and your jobs require you to run here and there.

But can I tell you, when was life simple?

and this is rather comical :x

People can see me as a bitch, a total bitch, I complain alot, I am mean, I am spoilt, I am selfish, I am superficial, I am lazy. WHATEVER. They can list a 1001 flaws about me, but I am who I am because I am what I am and also what I wanna be. (But till now, no one in school hates me, except for Chingting. They see me as someone so perfect, oh but maybe Ching ting hates me because I am perfect. RIGHT, I know you are rolling your eyes. But it's because I know my flaws, hence I am not shy of them. Thus they see my flaws as something that is natural about me, hence they dont hate me. You get it?)

and the end?

OMG, I think this email can be like a 5000 word essay or something. Right, I spent 1/2 an hour typing this. I MEAN EVEN THOUGH I TYPED SO FAST! I have to keep vetting it can, I worry I have typos, then you will suan me. See, must be perfect in everyone's eyes. =) Okay, I better stop my rubbish.

But really, please do reflect and ponder and change. I'm not forcing you to change, but of course I hope you would. I hope to see a change in your character.

But one thing I like and admire about you, you respect mummy and daddy and you are daring to show your love for them. -ju gong-

Love,
BIGFATDOMINEERINGBITCHWHODOESN'TGIVEAFUCKABOUTANYONE!ALLTHEHOMOSAPIENSOUTTHERECANDIEFORALLICARE.

the email was really long i swear.

sigh.
kinda got woken up.
though i really wanted to enjoy life tons next month.
i actually decided to cut down on clothngs next month before this email.
& cosmetics.
& heels.

but fck i really need new heels now.
but i guess .. i'll only get 1 next month.
cos i realised i already have ten pairs of heels :x

but now after this email.

i gotta cut down on manicure.
(im very sad about this ): what about this, express manicure/pedicure instead of classic? :x)
fine. i know.

i gotta cut down on restaurants.
but please let me have my pizza hut on 3rd april.

i gotta cut down on movies.
damn.
its like i havent seen one since .. last mth?
last mth i decided movies were a waste of money & i thought money had better use for shopping.
in fact i dont think im gonna watch movies anymore ):

i gotta cut down on arcades.
though I dont even visit one.
only do so when im out with jingwen/joyce/yimchew/mel.
but fck i swear those are just robotic machines out to eat your money.
and maybe make you happy for .. a few hours.
oh, and maybe vent your anger on those thing you can use a hammer to hit.

now i cant even go to bars/lounges?!?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
all because i gotta be a better person in life.

fine.
i think i'd be better off sleeping, eating, watching tv, playing the computer daily.

that email really did wake me up.
&thats why i was crying like a retard.
touching&awakening.

but now i know.
i'll be quieter than before.
think of consequences before i say anything.
dont say the wrong thing at wrong time.
be less impatient.
wont want to be crazy over my sis's anna sui nail polish.
eat less so my daddy wont chuang the red light
(actually that was seriously not my fault, read my past posts to understand)
i'll spend less.
i'll learn to rot at home more after i quit msw.
i'll learn not to buy so many pairs of heels. (though it is so damn hard)

I'LL LEARN NOT TO SPEND SO MUCH THOUGH I CAN DO SO -_-

ok now.
plan for next month
-just get facial wash from body shop.
-still gotta get my aunts prezzie.
-still gotta get my cheri baby's prezzie (all these are compulsory)
-eat 62353535

OK THATS ALL
you can see i've striked out quite many ):
fine i know it's just two.
one - zen v plus cos i got it alr.
two- manicure ):

BUT AT LEAST I NEVER SHOP SO MUCH ALR.

ok more about this back home.
if only my second sis would let me use the comp.

its gonna be hard, but im learning to try, trying to learn.

to be a better person (:

thanks sis. that email .. was surprisingly awakening.

jillian ng
&thats all im willing to tell you :D