Monday, March 19, 2007
@6:34 PM
was in a trance for quite some time.
until casey ended up being a disturbance.
before the trance, i was in a shock.
discovered something just.
but then i decided not to let it concern me.
which of course it shouldn't even affects me.
then i realised.
even if it was few years later, it still wouldnt affect me.
so why did i even bother being affected by it (:
wise decision of mine i guess :D
/
that's so common now.
so common that everybody in that world is not special.
this is the turning point of my life.
of this ever so perfect path.
should i turn right, or should i turn left?
should i approach the sense of righteous to continue this path,
or turn left to ruin everything i've built up these years?
there's no one guiding me.
this decision is mine.
because it's time i grow up.
each time im almost there, making the right decision.
i'll be tempted to walk on the path which will ruin everything.
so i'll ask how?
but then nobody's there to answer my question.
to give me the key of enlightenment, to choose the right path.
so in the end, i find myself approaching evil soon.
step by step.
only till the very end, i find rational thoughts pulling me back.
that's when i realise i'd be foolish if i had continued.
i'm stuck in the middle now.
i have no idea whether to step forward, or to step backwards.
if i were to step forward, it'll give me shortlived happiness.
if i were to step backward, i wouldnt feel good but in a long run, i would.
the people i wanna consult.
are all stuck in that predicament.
so whatever i am gonna say to them, i know they will never give me the right answer.
so who do i seek?
you know.
its very scary.
the power.
when im still clear in the mind, i'll always regurgitate to myself whats right, whats wrong.
but if this continues, im afraid i'll soon be unable to differentiate right and wrong.
this is life.
like the book said,
if you're stuck in a stinky toilet for long, you'll realise you dont think it smells anymore.
im a human being as well.
i guess the people who can possess such will to resist such power, are the ultimate winner.
dont you realise.
everyone's slowly bowing down to this power.
i wanna be the winner in this aspect.
but its gonna be hard.
so hard, so hard.
im so afraid, so afraid.
this fear can even bring tears.
its seven now.
its much of a surprise how my thoughts can take up the whole day.
time passed very fast today, somehow.
but i guess i found an answer to one question.
but the others, i haven't.
but maybe i found a solution.
i need to help myself.
i need to help myself, i really need to help myself.
by the way, i hate it when people read my blog & do not tag.
whoever you are, and if i know you, do not think its fun to read about my life without tagging.
i dont like unknown people to know about my life.
if you're so free, go bother about your own life first.
oh.
i realised my instincts are always right.
that girl's such a snatcher.
destroying others' happiness.
but then again.
it doesnt concern me
HA!
/
i wanna overcome this hurdle.
cross this obstacle in life.
i'll move on to another stage.
then laugh at those foolish people :D
so i gotta make this work.
gotta.
