yeah im back.
i was thinking on the way back.
pondering. wondering.
whatever, doesn't make a difference.

these few days i've been down and out.
why?
was it because all i saw was just my own misery?
i thought i was the one working like shit daily?
then this sentence came to mind.
" i no longer fear when i walk on the path of darkness, cos i know there are many others taking the same path as me"

there are many others in the world worse off than me.
im not complaining that i hate working.
the main issue that i was feeling so shagged.
but well i guess its better to feel tired than none.

i was wondering.
have i caused harm to people around me?
because of all that struck me, i was often in a down mood.

anyway.
i think my sister has a wrong perception of me.
i am working so hard not because i wanna enjoy life.
but cos i wanna ease my parent's burden.
you think i enjoy it?
i can work till i have no idea which day is it, which working place am i supposed to be at.
ok then again i'll not complain.
nobody likes people who complains.
i think i should read my being a happy teenager book all over again.
i work so i can give my parents half of my salary of 3 jobs.
then the remainder will be my living expenses.
i wont use their money at all.
so they have more money for their use.
i work for my money, and i use my money.
so somehow i still dont get my sister's theory.
im not being a spendthrift.
i just dont see where the money should go, besides enjoying my life.
so if i dont shop, what use will the money be of?
i so dont get it.
but as much as i dont get it, i'll still listen to my sis.
because most probably, maybe, whatever she says is right.

i do not buy branded stuff.
im not like those people out there being influenced by the wonders of branded stuff.
i dont see a need man.
its not the brand that makes a person stand out.
its the person himself/herself.

anyway.
my sister thinks the things im buying is cos i just wanna spend?
definitely not.
im buying things in the right sense.
i buy heels to wear, and i always wear them.
its not like i keep it in the cupboard.
i buy clothes cos of my future school life.
i buy zen v plus cos i need it on the bus journey to tp and cos it can also store documents.
WHICH SAVES MY MONEY TO NOT BUY A THUMBDRIVE.

but im not gonna clarify anyway.
i'll just heed her advice (:

cos i know with regards to what she has said.
only some parts.
i am right & i do it for a right reason, and in the right sense of mind.

well another one for you.


sorry ah, forgot to mention something.

Only stick to your flaws when you can justify yourself being right.

Like for example, if people says you are lazy, let them say all that they want. But deep down inside, you yourself know that you are saving energy, and not being lazy.

*Okay, I know this is a bad example, but you get what I mean?*

Like if people think you are fat, you yourself know you are muscular, not fat.

Okay. bad example again, but if you ownself know you are fat, go fucking excercise. Shit, I am digressing, let me give you one more example.



Okay, like people thinks I'm too mean in my words, and they feel I should spare a feeling for those I make fun of.

But, deep down inside, I know I don't mean it one bit. I'm only a bit more creative in my form of expression. BUT! I am aware I hurt those people. BUT! AGAIN! If my conscience is clear, I don't really give a shit.

You've gotta be firm on your beliefs and your being as a person.

Understand?



Nah, just had to add these points. Because I thought it's rather important.

Love,
Jams.

but i admit i was wrong.
i've been such an ass.
i know.
at least im changing.
but i swear, the points im changing now, has always existed since i dont know when.
so like shut up if you think i've changed after O's.
you know what?
thats cos you dont know me well.
fullstop.

but i sorta like the part when my sister stated the good traits about me.
cute?!?!
I DIDNT KNOW SHE FOUND ME CUTE.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
fine.

i wont say im tired from work anymore.
i'll say im energetic.
maybe i'll feel better.
i just remember the rules of life.
one rule was, you dont have to tell anybody everything.
and the other book?
nobody wanna hear your complains (:

jillian ng
&thats all im willing to tell you :D